An Old Man at the Doctor – Level 1
An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “I have your test results. I have bad news for you. You have cancer and you have Alzheimer’s.”
The old man says, “It is not so bad. I don’t have cancer!”
Alcohol Joke – Level 2
Doctor: “I am not sure why you are not well. I think it could be the alcohol.”
Patient: “That’s OK. I will come back when you are sober.”
People Ignore Me – Level 1
A patient walks into a doctor’s office.
“Doctor, people ignore me.”
“Next!”
Woman Goes to a Psychiatrist – Level 3
A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says,
“Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband, he thinks he’s a fridge!”
“I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” the doctor replies. “Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.”
“But you don’t understand,” the woman insists. “He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.”
Thousand Aspirins – Level 2
“Doctor, I felt miserable and I tried to commit suicide. I decided to swallow a thousand aspirins.”
“Really? And what happened?”
“I started feeling much better after the first two.”
Man Wants to Live 100 Years – Level 1
“Doctor, I want to live 100 years. What can I do?”
“Do you smoke?”
“No.”
“Do you eat too much?”
“No.”
“Do you go to bed late?”
“No.”
“Have you got any lovers?”
“No.”
“So why do you want to live so long?”
My Wife Can’t Hear! – Level 2
An old man goes to the doctor. He complains that his wife can’t hear.
“You need to test your wife. Stand far behind her and ask her a question. Then, start going closer to her. You will see how close you’ll get when she hears you.”
The old man is happy that he can help his wife. He runs home. He sees that his wife is making dinner.
“Honey!” the man says standing 20 feet away.
“What are we having for dinner?” he asks.
The wife doesn’t reply. The man tries again. He stands 15 feet away, but there is no answer. He stands 10 feet away and asks again. No answer.
Finally, he is 5 feet away, “Honey, what are we having for dinner?”
“I’ve told you four times! Lasagne!”