The financial situation in Europe is not easy. But people in Europe still keep their humour and they are making jokes about it. This is one of them.
A Greek man, a Spanish man and a Portuguese man are sitting in a restaurant. They have a good time, they drink, they joke and they laugh with girls. It is a good party. At the end of the party someone asks a question,
“Who is going to pay for all the drinks?”
The three men say in one voice, “The Germans.”
A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Suddenly, a passing car hits the door and it flies away. The lawyer gets so mad – he loves his BMW so much!
Soon, the police arrive: “Officer, look what happened to my Beemer!”
“Lawyers are so materialistic!” says the officer, “You are worried about your stupid BMW! Didn’t you notice you’re missing your left arm?”
“Oh my god! Where is my Rolex!?”
Dave and Kevin are at a New Year’s Eve party, and Dave asks Kevin for a cigarette.
“Didn’t you quit?!”
“I am in the process of quitting. Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.”
“Phase one?”
“Yeah,” laughs Dave, “I just stopped buying them.”
One retired woman says to another, “I couldn’t go to sleep today because of my teeth.”
The other one says, “I don’t have that problem. My teeth and I stopped sleeping together a long time ago.”
It’s Saturday evening. The pastor asks the assistant priest:
“What do you want to do in sermon the tomorrow?”
“I think I will tell people that it is important to save their money, their food…”
“Good, but ask them to give a little money first.”
My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person… so that I can get a better girlfriend!
An old man goes to the doctor. He complains that his wife can’t hear.
“You need to test your wife. Stand far behind her and ask her a question. Then, start going closer to her. You will see how close you’ll get when she hears you.”
The old man is happy that he can help his wife. He runs home. He sees that his wife is making dinner.
“Honey!” the man says standing 20 feet away.
“What are we having for dinner?” he asks.
The wife doesn’t reply. The man tries again. He stands 15 feet away, but there is no answer. He stands 10 feet away and asks again. No answer.
Finally, he is 5 feet away, “Honey, what are we having for dinner?”
“I’ve told you four times! Lasagne!”
“I have so much work to do. It’s terrible! I’m working twenty-five hours a day!”
“You are not! There are only 24 hours in one day!”
“That’s right. I have to get up an hour earlier.”
A recent study shows that men who are married live longer than single men. However, many of them want to die.
Doctor: “I am not sure why you are not well. I think it could be the alcohol.”
Patient: “That’s OK. I will come back when you are sober.”