Before an Operation – Level 2
A patient asks the doctor:
“What will happen if the operation is not a success?”
“Don‘t worry. If it isn’t, you won’t be able to tell.”
A Nice Dress – Level 2
“Mummy, you have such a nice dress. Where are you going in it?”
“I’m going to the theatre to see Romeo and Juliet.”
“But you’ve seen it 5 times!”
“Yes, I know, but not in this dress.”
On the Way to School – Level 2
A student stops a car and asks the driver,
“Can you take me to school?”
“Sorry, I’m going in another direction,” says the driver.
“Super, take me there!”
Man Is Talking to God – Level 2
The man: “God, how long is a million years?”
God: “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man: “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God: “To me it’s a penny.”
The man: “God, may I have a penny?”
God: “Wait a minute.”
Fried Eggs – Level 2
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband ran into the kitchen.
“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my God! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my God! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”
The wife looked at him and said, “What is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
Zombies – Level 2
A: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
B: Hope it’s Halloween!
The Blonde and the Bike – Level 2
A: Why does the blonde run with the bike?
B: It is going too fast for her to get on.
A Jigsaw – Level 2
Did you hear about the man who was so proud that he completed a jigsaw in half an hour? It said “five to six years” on the box.
The Good and the Bad News – Level 2
A man goes to hospital for a check-up because he has some medical problems. The doctor tells him that he doesn’t know exactly what the problem is and that they need to do more tests. After weeks of tests, the doctor tells the man that he has some good news and some bad news.
“You have a new and incurable disease,” says the doctor.
“And what’s the good news?” asks the man.
And the doctor says, “We’re going to name it after you.”
What Does He Want to Be? – Level 2
“Does your son know what he wants to be when he grows up?” I asked my friend.
“He wants to be a garbageman,” he replied.
“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”
“Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”