It is a beautiful morning. Dean comes early into his office… and sees Martin. Martin is kissing his secretary. Dean doesn’t like this. Martin is his employee!
He screams: “Martin, do I pay you for this?”
“No sir, I am doing this for free.”
“Johnny, give me a sentence that starts with I.”
“I is…”
“No, Little Johnny. Always say I am.”
“All right… I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
A girl goes to a pet shop. She asks the sales assistant, “Do you have a wasp?”
The assistant says, “Sorry, little lady. We don’t have any wasps.”
“What? You’re lying! I can see a wasp in the window right now!”
“Sailors like it.”
“What is it?”
“Does it have breasts?”
“No.”
“So, it’s rum!”
Miranda likes to sing. Every time she begins to sing, her husband goes outside.
Miranda is sad about this.
“Don’t you like my singing?” she asks her husband.
“Of course I do,” he replies.
“I just want to make sure that the neighbours know that I’m not beating you.”
My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. Information goes in, but I can never find it later.
There is a boy. He is in the first year of high school. He is going to the school ball. He wants to dance with an older girl at the ball. He asks her, but she only answers:
“I don’t want to dance with a child.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you are pregnant.”
Why do Chinese eat more than Japanese?
Because there is more of them.
“Doctor, I want to live 100 years. What can I do?”
“Do you smoke?”
“No.”
“Do you eat too much?”
“No.”
“Do you go to bed late?”
“No.”
“Have you got any lovers?”
“No.”
“So why do you want to live so long?”
A man is dying. He is very thirsty. He finds a well in the desert.
He screams, “Water! Water!”
And the well echoes back, “Where? Where?”