Friends in a Pub – Level 2
A man in a pub tells his friends:
“Before the wedding, I spoke and she listened. After the wedding, she spoke and I listened. Now, we both speak and the neighbours listen.”
Bob Is Looking for a New Job – Level 3
Bob Smith wasn’t happy about his job and decided to find a new job somewhere else. They always told him “NO“ when he asked for a job. It was because people knew him as someone who didn’t like working at all. He had a very bad reputation. One day the phone rang at his office. Bob did not usually pick up the phone but this time he did.
“Hi,“ said the man on the line, “I have an unusual question to ask you. I need some information about Bob Smith. He is applying for a position in our company. Do you know him?“
„Sure, I know him,“ responded Bob with a smile.
“Tell me,“ asked the man, “is he a hard-working person? Does he always come to work on time?“
“Well, I’ll be honest,“ Bob replied, “ I’m not such a hard-working man, but whenever I’m here Bob is here!“
Blonde Secretary Reads the Diary – Level 1
The boss asks his blonde secretary, “What is in my diary this week?”
The blonde secretary answers, “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday…”
Joke about a Bed – Level 2
Peter goes to a doctor.
“Doctor, I’ve got a problem,” he says. “Every time when I get into bed, I think that there is somebody under it. I look under the bed and I think there is somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. I think I am crazy!”
The doctor thinks for a moment. Then he says, “Come to me for 2 years. Come here three times a week and I will help you.”
“How much will I pay?” Peter asks.
“A hundred dollars for a visit,” the doctor says.
Peter says, “I’ll think about it.”
Peter never visits the doctor again. Sometime later, he meets the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you come to visit me again?” the doctor asks.
“A hundred dollars for one visit? It’s expensive for me. A barman helped me for 10 dollars.”
The doctor is shocked, “What did he do with you?”
“He told me to cut the legs of the bed.”
Joke about a Bed – Level 3
Peter goes to a psychologist. “Doctor, I’ve got trouble,” he says. “Every time when I get into bed, I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed and I think there is somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. I think I am crazy!”
The doctor thinks for a moment. Then he says, “Just be my patient for 2 years. Come to me three times a week and I will help you.”
“How much will I pay?” Peter asks.
“A hundred dollars per visit,” the doctor says.
Peter replies, “I’ll think about it.”
Peter never visits the doctor again. Sometime later, he meets the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you come to see me again?” the doctor asks.
“A hundred dollars per visit? It’s too expensive for me. A barman helped me for 10 dollars.”
The doctor is surprised, “What did he do with you?”
“He told me to cut off the legs of the bed.”
Joke about a Bed – Level 1
Peter goes to a doctor, “Doctor, I have a problem,” he says.
“When I sleep in my bed, I think that there is somebody under my bed. I look under my bed and I think there is somebody on my bed. On, under, on, under. I think that I am crazy!”
The doctor thinks for one minute. Then he says, “Come to me for 2 years. Come here three times in a week and I will help you.”
“How much will I pay?” Peter asks.
“One hundred dollars for a visit,” the doctor says.
Peter says, “I will think about it.”
Peter never comes back. After two weeks, he meets the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you come to visit me?” the doctor asks.
“One hundred dollars for one visit? It is expensive for me. A barman helped me for 10 dollars.”
The doctor doesn’t understand, “What did he do with you?”
“He told me to cut the legs of the bed.”
OOPS?! – Level 2
Jerry was in hospital. He was recovering from his surgery. A nurse asks him how he is.
“I’m OK, but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used during the surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say?” asked the nurse.
“OOPS!”
On a Business Trip – Level 3
A general manager was with his secretary on a business trip. They had to be accommodated in a room with a single bed because all the other rooms were full. After dinner and several glasses of wine, the manager says:
“Look, we only have one bed. How are we going to sleep tonight? As husband and wife or as a general manager and a secretary?”
“As husband and wife,” the secretary cheerfully answers. When the manager hears that, he turns to the wall and starts snoring.
Phone Call – Level 1
A man calls the office of an airline. He asks, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”
The office worker says, “Just a minute…”
“Thank you,” says the man and hangs up.
Before an Operation – Level 2
A patient asks the doctor:
“What will happen if the operation is not a success?”
“Don‘t worry. If it isn’t, you won’t be able to tell.”